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Mostly Blah

I’ve recently started back up on my medication fro anxiety. I guess it’s helping. I don’t freak out to leave my house anymore or get really confused and disoriented because I’m overwhelmed. What I do get is…bitchy. For the most part I’m just kind of a gray blob. It’s not as if I’m depressed or anything (Been there done that and it’s not the same feeling.) I still feel all of the typical emotions it’s just that I’m almost too tired? There’s a word I’m looking for, don’t know what it is. It’s almost as if I have this whole “IDGAF” mentality mixed in with a little “Why try?” When I am on this medication it’s like I have zero personality.

Remember that episode where SpongeBob tried being normal? THAT! That is what I’m like. Mixed with a little bit of Sheldon Cooper.

For example it’s my friends birthday tomorrow and today we were all sitting around discussing the plans we have. While they were all squealing with joy. All I could muster was a smile. It’s not that I wasn’t happy. I was. I am so excited for tomorrow but expressing or any kind of over the top emotion feels weird.

I blame it on the medication because it ONLY happens when I’m on it. I’ll have random bursts of overwhelming happiness for about 15 minutes after I drink coffee. Then I’m and back to being a little irritated with the world and unexpressive.

Even writing this. I don’t know I feel creatively blocked or something. Out of touch with the beauty and chaotic artistic energy of the universe.

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