Am I selfish? I try to focus so hard on being considerate to those around me. I do not always succeed, but I try and I think that’s worth something. It’s a violent circle I mull over in my head. If I focus too much on how I affect other people then am I not in turn thinking of myself? Am I more focused on someone else’s opinions of me? Or am I really doing or saying these things because I care about them? Of course, I care about other people. But if, for example, I am in a crowded elevator and I see that my bag is taking up just enough space to crowd the woman next to me, do I move my bag because I do not want the woman to think that I am rude and inconsiderate to those around me? Or do I move my bag because I do not want the woman to be crowded?
This somewhat tedious and confusing thought process is brought up because I was juts made aware of a somewhat surprising fact. People miss me. Let me elaborate. I left my workplace of a year, about two months ago. I left pretty quietly and quickly. ( After the 2 weeks notice.) It did not even occur to me that there would be people whom were upset at my leaving. Or that people would want a proper goodbye. I left quietly because everyone has their own lives chock full of personal events and such, as do I. Who am I do put all of it to a halt, for some attention? It…it just wasn’t even a thought to me.
Some old co-workers of mine recently brought this up to me and I was quite taken back. People miss me? People cared enough to be bothered about my leaving? As depressing as that sounds…I’ve never thought that much of myself. Myself, being interesting enough to occupy a moment is someone’s day.
Is that selfish? Because how considerate am I to not think about whether or not my presence or absence affects another person?